An Addict’s Love Song to Her Son
Setting Boundaries in Sobriety
How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Dating While (Newly) Sober
The Walk
Men… I’ve Always Been Obsessed With Them
Neil Strauss' Evolution
Tattoos, Love, and Recovery
Act Like a Lady
6 Steps to Address Relationship Issues in Recovery
Setting Our Abound-aries: Dating and Sobriety
My First Sober Heartbreak
5 Surprising Ways PTSD Affected My Relationships
Ouch, Matisse, this column stings more than most. Even more difficult is when two (or more) people think that just because they're poly, they are the same KIND of poly. "I thought I was your primary!" "No, I'm non-heirarchical - you're unique!" "Just like all your OTHER relationships!" "Exactly! No, wait..."
I have known the mono/poly combo to work. For a while. Occasionally. But I sure don't see it often.
Posted by Graydancer on July 28, 2010 at 1:41 PM · Report
2
Agreed! HUZZZAH! You say 'Dismissing people's stated definitions of their sexuality as something you can make them change is not love.'
So too, is dismissing your own, well-known, hard-wired, or at the very least well-stated definitions of your sexuality not at all self-love, and leaning WAY into the masochistic void.
Thank you for this article.
What is the opposite of a cowboy/girl? A sheep who's lost its flock? Wandering mutton?
Posted by monopolydoodah on July 28, 2010 at 2:30 PM · Report
Unregistered Comment on July 28, 2010 at 2:43 PM3
4
Pretty simple solution, @Tenyearsofit, don't date one.
Posted by Larkshead on July 28, 2010 at 2:58 PM · Report
Noadi5
Not everyone who thinks of themselves going into a relationship with someone who is poly expect them to change or want them to. I'm in that situation right now, I never considered not being monogamous in my life. My parents have been married for almost 30 years, both pairs of grandparents were married for over 60 years. All my important role models were monogamous. I've fallen for a poly guy, I was friends with him before we started dating so I knew going in that I wasn't going to change him. It hasn't been easy to change the whole way I think about relationships but it's working so far. Even if we don't last as a couple I'll be happy to have been with him and I could never not be his friend. I don't know yet if I'll ever pursue other partners beyond maybe a play partner to top (I switch, he doesn't) but I'm not as scared of the idea as I was a few months ago.
Posted by Noadi http://noadi.net on July 28, 2010 at 3:00 PM · Report
Unregistered Comment on July 28, 2010 at 4:04 PM6
Unregistered Comment on July 28, 2010 at 4:20 PM7
8
Goodies for you for being okay with your husband having other lovers while you don't, Harlot, but if thats really true you're an excpetion to the rule and you know it. But thank you for telling us all how you're so much cooler than we are.
Setting Boundaries in Sobriety
How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Dating While (Newly) Sober
The Walk
Men… I’ve Always Been Obsessed With Them
Neil Strauss' Evolution
Tattoos, Love, and Recovery
Act Like a Lady
6 Steps to Address Relationship Issues in Recovery
Setting Our Abound-aries: Dating and Sobriety
My First Sober Heartbreak
5 Surprising Ways PTSD Affected My Relationships
Ouch, Matisse, this column stings more than most. Even more difficult is when two (or more) people think that just because they're poly, they are the same KIND of poly. "I thought I was your primary!" "No, I'm non-heirarchical - you're unique!" "Just like all your OTHER relationships!" "Exactly! No, wait..."
I have known the mono/poly combo to work. For a while. Occasionally. But I sure don't see it often.
Posted by Graydancer on July 28, 2010 at 1:41 PM · Report
2
Agreed! HUZZZAH! You say 'Dismissing people's stated definitions of their sexuality as something you can make them change is not love.'
So too, is dismissing your own, well-known, hard-wired, or at the very least well-stated definitions of your sexuality not at all self-love, and leaning WAY into the masochistic void.
Thank you for this article.
What is the opposite of a cowboy/girl? A sheep who's lost its flock? Wandering mutton?
Posted by monopolydoodah on July 28, 2010 at 2:30 PM · Report
Unregistered Comment on July 28, 2010 at 2:43 PM3
4
Pretty simple solution, @Tenyearsofit, don't date one.
Posted by Larkshead on July 28, 2010 at 2:58 PM · Report
Noadi5
Not everyone who thinks of themselves going into a relationship with someone who is poly expect them to change or want them to. I'm in that situation right now, I never considered not being monogamous in my life. My parents have been married for almost 30 years, both pairs of grandparents were married for over 60 years. All my important role models were monogamous. I've fallen for a poly guy, I was friends with him before we started dating so I knew going in that I wasn't going to change him. It hasn't been easy to change the whole way I think about relationships but it's working so far. Even if we don't last as a couple I'll be happy to have been with him and I could never not be his friend. I don't know yet if I'll ever pursue other partners beyond maybe a play partner to top (I switch, he doesn't) but I'm not as scared of the idea as I was a few months ago.
Posted by Noadi http://noadi.net on July 28, 2010 at 3:00 PM · Report
Unregistered Comment on July 28, 2010 at 4:04 PM6
Unregistered Comment on July 28, 2010 at 4:20 PM7
8
Goodies for you for being okay with your husband having other lovers while you don't, Harlot, but if thats really true you're an excpetion to the rule and you know it. But thank you for telling us all how you're so much cooler than we are.